Intimacy and Infidelity

What does Intimate mean? Well, as Brother Williams puts it, it means being "in to ma mate"! It's a miracle that with how different we are as men and women, we manage to love each other and be married for years. There are three things that tell a counselor how successful a couple will be-1) how is their marital intimacy. 2) Collaborative set (what do they contribute to the rifts in the relationship). 3) How committed are they to the relationship.
        Intimacy
   Why would success in marriage correlate to intimacy? Kind of a dumb question. You got to be into your mate right?! It's more than just "having sex". Instead of looking at it like that, try looking at it as "making love". As a married couple, you want to make love with your partner, not "do them". Making love is how you show your love too. It's a way to bind yourself to your partner. In women, there is a chemical released during love making called Oxytocin. It causes the woman to bind with their mate. It also happens during child birth and nursing for a woman. This binding is important.
    Something important to note is the lie that the media displays about intimacy. Just like everything else in our life, we are not perfect. We are human. The people on the big screen make everything look easy and flawless. The truth of the matter is that being intimate with a partner can be difficult and stressful. There are 4 different stages of intimacy -Excitement, Plateau, orgasm, and Resolution. It takes women 30 seconds to be aroused and men 5 seconds. Frustration comes because you aren't "in sink". Partners feel like there is something wrong with them, that they aren't good enough for their partner. Actually, it's just part of life. It doesn't always work out and it's not perfect. But through struggling through it, couples can be made strong and bind in a way that they can't any other way.
    Infidelity
  Affairs happen when partners are unsatisfied. They can't seem to work out intimately with their partner, so they try it out secretly with someone else. They long for the excitement of hotel rooms and secrets. But just like everything else, it becomes routine as well. The more sexual partners woman have, the more they are connecting to random men with the release of oxytocin. But over time, they won't want to have sex at all, and become detached completely. It becomes harder for them to connect to anyone.
   Pornography is also a terrible and poisonous thing that tears loved ones apart. When involved in pornography, loved ones begin to be objects that satisfy a demand. It's important to talk to your loved one as you plan to get married about this. When was the last time they viewed porn and is it a current issue? Marriage does not cure a pornography problem. Christ's Atonement does and help from others. Don't rush into a marriage to try and fix any problem, especially pornography (for yourself or someone else).
    Fidelity means to be true. We have to be open and honest with our partners. Don't wait until years into your marriage to tell your partner about such things as previous sex partners, being sexually assaulted, or a pornography addiction. This will only create feelings of mistrust and make your partner feel cheated. Tell them before marriage. Assume the best of your partner, but make sure to address your concerns as well.
   There is also an issue of people thinking they can still chat with friends of the opposite sex. All I will say is this quote by Spencer W. Kimball, a deceased prophet of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints:
       "There are those married people who permit their eyes to wander and their hearts to become vagrant, who think it is not improper to flirt a little, to share their hearts and have desire for someone other than the wife or the husband. The Lord says in no uncertain terms: "Thou shalt love thy wife with all thy heart, and shalt cleave unto her and none else." And when the Lord says all thy heart, it allows for no sharing nor dividing nor depriving...The words none else eliminate everyone and everything. The spouse then becomes preeminent in the life of the husband or wife , and neither social life nor occupational life nor political life nor any other interest nor person nor thing shall ever take precedence over the companion spouse." 
   This is obviously a heavy topic, and if you've made it this far, I applaud you! But there is so much joy in marriage (or so I'm told) otherwise people wouldn't be getting married all the time! I only wish that we can all know these things so that we can have a happy marriage. God blessed us with an amazing gift-our bodies. They are sacred and wonderful. Treat them like that. And don't let others mistreat it either. And just remember that we are all human. No one is perfect, not even that guy on the big screen with a six pack. Don't beat yourself up for your own flaws either. There is help and hope for everyone who has messed up.