Sex Education-Why Children Need it From Their Parents

The world in which we live in today has a very accepting culture. People are encouraged to seek out their own desires and wishes. The focus is on self and individualism. Sex is a certain “activity” that society would say the individual should get at the time, anywhere, anyhow, and with whoever. While this may seem okay to society, as members of families, we should know that there should be some regulation to the how, why, who, and when of sex. Being an advocate for appropriate sex and the importance of its sanctity should begin in the home, with our children.

Society hasn’t always been so open with sex. Just when my own mother was young, when a woman got pregnant, they would say she was “in the family way”. People were much more uncomfortable with even saying the word ‘sex’. Everything was proper and people never got divorced. I’m not suggesting that this was better or even preferred, but I think that our society can’t find a healthy balance between keeping sex sacred but not being afraid or ashamed of it either. There are too many parents who still have a “don’t ask don’t tell” outlook on the sex education of their children. The problem is, if they don’t ask and they aren’t telling, someone else is. Children are naturally curious and seek out answers to their questions through different means such as: their parents, their friends, and the internet. It is the responsibility of parents to get the correct information they need to teach their children. It's easier to give them the correct information than trying to fix incorrect information they get.

One place to get the correct information is in the scriptures. 2 Nephi 25:23 (in the Book of Mormon) states: “23 For we labor diligently to write, to persuade our children, and also our brethren, to believe in Christ, and to be reconciled to God; for we know that it is by grace that we are saved, after all we can do.” Parents need to diligently persuade their children to follow God. And there is something that we often forget-God gave us sex. It is a central part of His plan for us. With something so important and so central to salvation, why do parents continue to ignore and shy away from the topic of sexual intimacy with their children? It is because of the lie that Satan tells us. He wants us to be ashamed of our bodies. One of the first ways he did this was when he told Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden to hide because they were naked. That is what Satan would want us to do- to hide, be secret, be ashamed. My friend told me that at her bridal shower, a woman came up to her and said, “It’s okay to cry on your honeymoon night. I did. It took me 10 years to really be okay with it.” And where does this come from? Where does this shameful way of treating sex come from? It comes from years of being curious but being told to look away, to not ask, to not say certain words.

Again, there needs to be a balance. There are certain boundaries that need to be set, and certain things that shouldn’t be said right away. But we aren’t doing our children any favors by telling them nothing and making them ‘figure it out’ on their own.

I was confused growing up when people would tell me, “Sex is a beautiful thing,” but then would never say another word about it. When children ask, “Where do babies come from?” There needs to be an answer to that question, and not a story made up about storks. Parents can be very factual about it. They need to use correct words when describing the reproductive system. Using silly words shows that the parents are uncomfortable about the conversation and shows to the child that maybe this isn’t a serious conversation. Parents need to discuss with each other what they are going to say to their children when they ask these questions, and be prepared for what they are going to say.

It’s also important to take into account what age the child is when they are asking these questions. A 2-year old might not need the full answer quite yet, but they shouldn’t get a lie, either. Give them the truth, but give it in a very simple way that they can understand that won’t overwhelm them. As children get older, more information should be given. “THE TALK” shouldn’t be a one and done conversation that parents give their children at puberty and then never discuss it again. It should be no surprise to your child how a baby is made when they come to that age. Helping them feel comfortable with talk about sex their whole lives will prepare them for how the world will try and teach them what sex is. Having a close relationship with your child can help parents know what they need and when they need it.

In a nutshell: do your child a favor by educating them properly all throughout their life about the ways of sex and why it is important. Maybe that even means gaining a testimony of it yourself first. Work with your spouse on how you will talk to your children about these sensitive subjects. Do not make your child feel bad for having questions and don’t embarrass them. The way in which parents talk to their children about sex will shape the way their kids think about sex. If parents treat it as a joke, it will be a joke. If parents treat it as awkward and uncomfortable, their kids will be uncomfortable about it. When parents talk to their children about sexual intimacy in a patient, sacred way, their children can grow up being able to teach their kids the correct principles of sexually intimacy.

What I have written about is not easy. With a culture so open to sex and also parents who would rather "mums the word", talking to children openly and honestly about sexual intimacy will not easily achieved overnight. I personally am no expert on this. I don’t even have children yet. However, I do know how I want to raise my children and now have some more tools to do so. Here are some sources to look into from actual professionals:

“And They Were Not Ashamed” book by Laura M. Brotherson

“Hooked” book by Freda McKissic Bush and Joe S. McIlhaney

“Of Souls Symbols and Sacraments” a talk by Elder Holland of the Quorum of the 12 apostles of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

Love your children enough to give them a healthy and full education of sex.